It is often stated that the only time an average person appears in the newspaper is upon death. Unfortunately, the average person’s fifteen minutes of fame comes in the form of their obituary.
“An obituary is, in many cases, a first draft of history. It is a miniature biography, a culture’s recognition of a well-lived life. It can inform everything written from there on out; yet it is in the hands of a stranger. An opportunity to shape that process few people can pass up.” – Janny Scott, New York Times, July 8, 2001
Some obituaries are quite creative straying from the traditional format listing only the date of death, surviving family members, and a few words about the individual’s life. In a recent blog, I wrote about the extraordinary obituary of Harry Stamps. His extraordinary obituary went viral and rightfully so.
I doubt that Harry Stamps ever met Michael “Flathead” Blanchard, Aaron Purmort, Howard Cocks Dickinson, IV, Raymond Alan “Big Al” Brownley, or Kevin J. McGroarty. They clearly would have gotten along sharing the same sense of humor.
Extraordinary Obituary of Flathead Blanchard
Here is a part of Michael “Flathead” Blanchard’s obituary as published in the Denver Post on Apr. 12, 2012.
Blanchard, Michael “Flathead” 1944 ~ 2012
…Weary of reading obituaries noting someone’s courageous battle with death, Mike wanted it known that he died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow doctors’ orders and raising hell for more than six decades. He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died…
So many of his childhood friends that weren’t killed in Vietnam went on to become criminals, prostitutes and/or Democrats. He asks that you stop by and re-tell the stories he can no longer tell. As the Celebration will contain Adult material we respectfully ask that no children under 18 attend.
Extraordinary Obituary of Aaron Purmort
Here is a part of Aaron Purmort’s obituary as published in the Minnesota Star Tribune.
Purmort, Aaron Joseph age 35, died peacefully at home on November 25 after complications from a radioactive spider bite that led to years of crime-fighting and a years long battle with a nefarious criminal named Cancer, who has plagued our society for far too long. Civilians will recognize him best as Spider-Man, and thank him for his many years of service protecting our city.
Extraordinary Obituary of Howard Cocks Dickinson, IV
Here is a part of s Howard Cocks Dickinson IV’s obituary as published in the Conway Daily Sun.
Howard Cocks Dickinson IV, aka Crow, King of The Hill, and “Uncle Foof” crossed over to the other side at 4:20 AM on October 8, 2014, as stormy skies covered up the eclipse of the full blood moon and the North winds swept in to carry his spirit away from his home on Baird Hill. He walked through heaven’s gate “prick first,” just as he would have wanted.
Extraordinary Obituary of Raymond Alan “Big Al” Brownley
Here is a part of Raymond Alan “Big Al” Brownley’s obituary as published in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.
Raymond Alan Brownley of Pittsburgh (Ingram Boro), Pennsylvania, died on September 21, 2014, at the age of 82, but his larger-than-life persona and trademark stubbornness will not be forgotten. …He despised canned cranberry sauce, wearing shorts, cigarette butts in his driveway, oatmeal, loud-mouth know-it-alls, Tabasco sauce, reality TV shows, and anything to do with the Kardashians…He also loved milk shakes, fried shrimp, the Steelers, the Playboy channel, Silky’s Gentlemens Club, taking afternoon naps in his recliner, hanging out at the VFW, playing poker, eating jelly beans by the handful, and his hunting dogs-his favorite being Holly Hill Rip Van Winkle, a loyal beagle that answered to the nickname of Rip.
Extraordinary Obituary of Kevin J. McGroarty
Here is a part of Kevin J. McGroarty’s obituary as published in the Times Leader.
Kevin J. McGroarty, 53, of West Pittston, died Tuesday, July 22, 2014, after battling a long fight with mediocracy…He enjoyed elaborate practical jokes, over-tipping in restaurants, sushi and Marx Brother’s movies. He led a crusade to promote area midget wrestling, and in his youth was noted for his many unsanctioned daredevil stunts…He would like to remind his friends: “Please, don’t email me, I’m dead.”